Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just found puke in my bra..
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
