My room smells like vodka and shame
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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