he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I need to calm my uterus...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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