I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
