proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
