Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
