unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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