You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
