I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
