They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
