An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
