The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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