Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
