I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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