She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
they need to just BURY HIM!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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