That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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