grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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