Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
