You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
