Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
