someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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