These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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