just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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