I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
