I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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