apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
