That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
