And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
