It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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