It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
