She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
