Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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