I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just gargled with NyQuil
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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