over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Randomize
