Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
