She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
