Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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