I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
