somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
