What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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