he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
