I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
