You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
