Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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