i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
