Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
