So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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