if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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