There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize