Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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