I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
There are leaves in my underwear?
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