Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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