I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
my nose is crying tears of wow.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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