it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
