Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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