sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My cat gives me a boner
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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