It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
