Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Who did Billy Mays play for?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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