And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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