I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize