I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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