You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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