I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The power of my boobs compel you
My vagina is very pro this idea
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
