If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
