DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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