Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
