Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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