Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
