So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Randomize
