I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
