walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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