the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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