my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
This is the high leading the old right now
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
