Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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