Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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