And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
