Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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