taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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