this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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