dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
