I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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