i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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