I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My penis needs a shock collar
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
