I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
