so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
