he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
