So drunk its hurt
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
