Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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