I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
