dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
