that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
