She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
that may or may not have been my penis.
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