My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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